released April 10, 2021

Lyrics:

1. whateverthedisorder

2. A Real Life Astronaut
There I was a little boy living in the margins
I only went into the woods alone
I played survival down in the creek
tied a belt around my head

There i was slurping water from my hands
Under the tunnel of corrugated iron
I clenched my bowels
to hold the center

I recited the list of elements:
There was air sickness, sleeping sickness, and water sickness

There i was falling asleep under the dome
a nightly prayer to the mangled faces
I was dragged under by the ankles
and held upside down
They stuck pins into my shirt
a protecting ritual
I connected the wires to my crystal radio
and it spit back nothing but silence
Nothing but silence

I remembered the three elements:
Air sickness
Sleeping sickness
Water sickness
and i said my prayers
(to the three elements)

3. The Idiots
I want into the bone and mess the marrow
I don’t want lasers or heavy metals to leech it through
Leave the bad parts burrowed
Leave the redundancies lurking in their tubes
I’ll saw into that shit straight through

Transform it into something blackening by the air
and all that precipitates out
I want metastasis

I want to call out the Idiots and slap their faces.
Wake up, wake up
You’re fucking it up.
Sucking on your blanket
You’re pretending , I’ll say.
You have nothing
to say, I’ll say

I want to paint blue nudes
I want the untucked
I want the weight
I want the canvas to bow inward,
pushing the bubble out into splatter
I want to slice it open and walk all over it still wet

The idiots
Will never die


4. No More Hallelujah
It’s a job, a fucking job
Picking up the bodies

They’re not too hard to find
Given an address
Or not given an address
Evolved from empathy
My own injuries
Unremembered, unrenounced

Every white male flirts with facism
Some swallow it hard
Eat their children up like rocks

An invitation to an exhibit
The haphazard display
Of half realized Bellmer constructions
Sacks of pus and shit
No one put sawdust on the floor
And we step and slip in it
We step and slip in it

Every white male flirts with facism
Some swallow it hard
Eat their children up like rocks
Every survivor sheds a victim
There’s never a consequence
For breaking back a body

There will be no more Hallelujah
No more human exaltation
There will be no more Hallelujah
I can’t describe this state of degradation
But I know it when I see it
I know it when I see it


5. False Mirror
I was not born
whole in the heart
The thing had to grow
burbling out cells
A fissure coughing up
magma on the ocean floor

I was born midline fractured
twins in a car accident

My face-plates fused expressionless
You could see my eyes migrating
Your complexion textureless and slippery
like oil-paint I saw what I wanted

The surface cool and pillowy
breaks away like the ocean floor


6. Interstitial (2)
I was fucked up
Sleeping in her bed
We had just burned the Christmas tree
I was dead in the crawlspace
Walking like exploded ceramic


7. Magellan
From the roof
I’m looking for stars
In the all white sky
I take up the tarp
And parachute through
And parachute through

I woke up
Sucking the aquarium wall
Fingers missing
I should be evicted, be evicted, be evicted
I woke up on this aquarium wall
I should be evicted, be evicted, be evicted

Pull the splinters
Windows drawing steam
Cut shingles in the gutters
And burning leaves
And burning leaves

Bound bodies
Hang just like ornaments and
Everywhere are spiders
Something is on fire, on fire, on fire
Bound bodies
Hang like ornaments and
Something else is on fire, on fire, on fire




8. Graduated with Cuts
Address, lover, address
Arrest me sitting between the benches
hammering holes in the hull
The river is on fire

Take it away ugly
cellophane lover
Assuage my rage
It’ll pull you under

She shouldn’t have left us alone
an address deceptively close to home
When you’re around
I can’t keep my hands to myself –
The way your green tongue seeks my mouth
is bad bad bad.

In my blood these things are buoyant
tunneling upward, creasing the skin
like rows of unmarked crosses
not afraid to surface when the entire ocean is on fire.

Take it away ugly
cellophane lover,
Assuage my rage
It’ll pull you under

9. Slow Machines
Given up anger, frustration, and rage
Held onto jealousy, only jealousy remains
Avoidance was beautiful, but I set it out for sea
So i could covet windows of normalcy

I lost so many years
So many years

A mime in a box with a headshot wound
A compromised being, a terracotta tomb
So committed that I stumbled in the puddles
Held my breath so the poison wouldn’t double

I lost so many years
So many years
Working in a slow machine

Don’t you see
That we can’t speak
Plainly in these rooms
Plainly in these rooms

I walked away from my shoes
Full of rocks, thorns, and disuse
I heard the floorboards creak in new ways
An entire language has been erased

I lost so many years
So many years
Working in a slow machine

10. Cold 20s
We had all these unspoken rules.
Rules that I scrawled down left-handed
I could come to your room that winter
I could sit on one side of your bed
but I couldn't stay, couldn't stay the night
In the shared bathroom I could hear the pipes

I could hear my organs in there - falling to pieces

In the springtime you were gone again,
my right hand cut-up so bad.
This was a life remembered in receipts -
all the paper-cuts, the bitter taste
This was a life remembered in receipts
All the paper cuts, the bitter taste

The vanilla taste that --- lingered.


11. Interstitial. (1)
Everyone’s at work
I’m bleeding from the cuticles
Left hand in my pocket all the time
Blood showing through all the time

Maybe i’ll get a tattoo
A cat on each arm
Maybe i’ll stand in the sun and have the etch
The shadows into my skin

Everyone’s at work
I blacked out the light bulbs with charcoal from my wrists
and added real blood to Guernica
Having sex to the rhythm
of a photograph curling at the corners


12. Ghoulish


13. Strop is Rust
I live in a rat trap
A deep fryer acid bath
Assimilate the plastic
Ingest a foreign object
I imagine a world
Without human beings
Will it get cold?
Will it get colder?

I’m out of tune
And my strop is rust
Can’t find my shoes
Just missed the bus
I’m out of tune
I’m out of tune

I live in dislocation
Layers of slow wave
Nightmares and sweat
My body is not a temple
It’s a time capsule
Nostalgia therapy reminds me
That the kids are grown
They resent me now
They resent me now

I’m out of tune
And my strop is rust
Can’t find my shoes
Just missed the bus

Parking tickets
Cling like fleas
I met my limit
Down on my knees

On my knees


14. (In solvent)
The skin won’t repair itself anymore
The disorder has run its course
I’m longing to be touched
Longing to be touched

Digestion has grinded to a halt
Rods and cones broiled, bursted
I haven’t seen enough
to let go






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